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There may well be differences in the brains of males and females that equip them to excel at different things. But the error of universities and other prestigious institutions has been to construct its (sic) hierarchy of excellence on the mastery of skills that come most easily to males.

Men have always recognized that you really have to make choices. Women have deluded themselves into thinking that you don't. This is not to say that you can't have a decent family life and an interesting job as well. People who are working part time in professional jobs are having a much happier time than if they were home working full time as mothers or working as clerical workers. So we've made huge strides in making the "best of both worlds" argument work. I just don't think those sorts of women are ever going to get into the top jobs, which is a different matter.

Twenty years ago, a fortysomething man didn't feel the immense pressure to be a great dad that he feels today. If you were a C-suite executive and had kids at home, taking care of them was the job of your wife, community, school, church, and the Little League coach. And people were OK with that. Societal expectations weren't that you were going to spend thirty hours a week parenting. A great dad back then was around weekends and a couple of nights a week for dinner.

But today, men face social pressure to not let their personal lives interfere with their work lives. The unspoken truth may be that the modern workplace is more willing to forgive women for their decisions to place family over work in some instances, because the people who run the workplace continue to believe that women play a more essential role than men in their households. Until society concludes that men play an equally valuable role in child-rearing, men who make career tradeoffs to spend time with their children will be seen as somehow less focused, committed, and worthy than men who don't.

Gender differences are a primary -- maybe even the central -- part of our schema. They are the first differentiator. In the workplace, what goes along with our thinking that someone is a male or female? A lot. A ton. We are just hugely invested in all kinds of preconceived ideas about what men and women can do. The unfortunate part is that what we believe a leader should do is not consistent with what we think a woman can do. So all of the criteria for leadership that we talk about in the workplace -- a leader has to be strong, a leader has to be assertive, a leader has to be aggressive, a leader has to be able to command people -- no one would even blink an eye if you said, "And John can do that." But if you say, "And Mary can do it," it counteracts people's gender schema for what women, in fact, can do.

And so women, in reacting to that, must deal with this great paradox. "Well, if I show that I can be aggressive, then I should be accepted as a leader," is one way they might react. Except that if women do act in ways that would be perfectly acceptable for men, they're seen as bullies. It cuts against what people expect from women, and it's doubly bad for them.

Women have three basic things that help them cope with stress. First is collaboration--working as a team. Second, harmony--working together in cooperation. Third, communication--sharing so that everyone knows what's going on inside everyone else. These processes actually cause women's bodies to produce a hormone, which is their best way to deal with stress. The best stress-protection mechanism for men is testosterone. It makes them feel they can accomplish things. When men are confident they can solve a problem, their stress levels go down. We're firemen who want to put out the fire as fast as we can. We go immediately to a solution.

A number of studies have shown that women who promote their own interests vigorously are seen as aggressive, uncooperative, and selfish. An equal number of studies show that the failure of women to promote their own interests results in a lack of female leaders. Until one of these conditions changes, sponsors, we believe, are the key to helping women gain access to opportunities they merit and need to develop.

Fear of making a fool of oneself is a very strong driver of behavior, and it has occurred to me more than once that this is a rare fear among successful men and more common—usually without foundation—among successful women.

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We talk a lot today about the importance of mentoring and coaching, and they can be vital in helping novices learn the rules of the game. But it is very important that men should not always be mentored by men and women by women. Mentoring based on interests, not gender, can help to change the culture because it can lead to greater understanding of the perspective of the “Other.” It can make a big difference when very able men mentor and guide young women, routinely and systematically, and vice versa. That said, it can sometimes be very helpful to have a mentor of the same gender; the important thing is to find the right fit rather than be doctrinaire about it.

Many women say, "I have enough money." I rarely hear a man say that. And it's because money is different to men and women. I think, for men, money is often a symbol of their power; it's not for what can they buy. For women, money is not usually how they measure their success. It's not that they don't want it; but they want it for the things that they can get with it. Of course, there are women—and men—who just love their work, so money is not the issue at all. But I know many women who will say, "You know what? All my personal needs and all my family's needs are taken care of, and if I'm no longer enjoying the environment or the work, I'm gone." If there are other demands on women that are really important, particularly family, they are going to leave.

Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.

A good way to start a conversation about whether a corporate culture is inclusive is to ask, “What would your daughter think about working here?” or, “Do you think your daughter—or niece or granddaughter—would find it easy to make as successful a career here as you have?”